There are not enough Blue China Lions on the radio

Laura Solon is my new favourite funny lady. She has a show on Radio 4 on Wednesdays at 11:30pm. I'm probably supposed to write some sort of witty comment here about china lions or late night radio shows or radio 4 listeners, but Raspberry Beret just popped up on my Songza channel and I can barely think straight because of all of the musical loveliness. You'll just have to settle for a Laura Solon Video:

The Pencil, it is scary

I have another new favourite video. It's the story of a magic pencil, which has but one life-lesson to teach. Learn to draw. Oh and another lesson, play videos with your speakers switched on so that you get the full effect of the creepy music. Actually there is a third lesson here. If somebody gives you cake, then take the cake and eat it. Things will only get worse from there on in....



I got this video from Neatorama, who in turn got it from Unique Daily who in turn got it from LiveLeak. Jesus-Horse-Juggling-Christ it's getting so that I'm not even in on the first level of plagiarism any more.

I MAY NEVER BUY ANOTHER DUFF(Y) ALBUM

You know how you buy an album (perhaps one by a certain overhyped welsh 60's throwback?), after you've heard two or three songs off of it and then you get it home, play the rest of the album and realise that your Dad could write better songs than the rest of the filler on the CD?
We'll I've just started listing to SongZa. It's lovely, and what's more it proves to me that the only half decent track on Sam Sparro's album is Black and Gold. The rest are just plain bad.
Oh and I have a profile, because what would a 2008 web-site be without little pictures of the users all over it? Plus it means that I get to create a playlist to share with you dear reader. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it. Especially the Marcella Detroit track and the Muse version of 'House of the rising sun' which, if the gods of HTML are smiling down upon me you will see embedded below.


Oh and you may have gathered from the above that this fabulous site has but one downside. It is orange. Irrevocably so.

NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT

So apparently the image on this news report includes a baby who has had his face digitally altered. Except they missed...or something.

I don't see why they even bothered. Babies that age change drastically from one week to the next. The only consistent thing about them up until they hit about six months is that they look like somebody grafted a raw chicken onto the head of Danny DeVito.

MY NEW FAVOURITE AD

THESE ARE NOT NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS... AT ALL... HONEST

I know that this is the time of year when people usually make resolutions, but these are definitely not they, if you catch my meaning.

They just happen to be a few things that I want to do during the next year, and I just happen to be resolving to do them on New Years Eve. They're definitely not New Years Resolutions. Not at all.

1). Draw every day and finish some paintings.
2). Meditate every day.
3). Get my Udana site set up properly.
4). Go completely tea-total.
5). Be more grateful and less crabby.

And obviously because theyare not New Year's Resolutions I don't have to worry about keeping them. Although the chances of me not worrying about something are a little slim to say the least.

THE ONLY FILMS OF 2007

It seems like every time I look at a magazine (infrequently), a newspaper (occasionally), or a website (more often than I blink frankly) I come across a best list of 2007. For this is the traditional time of year when journalists, columnists and bloggers forget all about integrity, inspiration or originality and write about their favourite things from the last twelve months. Well, who am I to buck a trend? Here are the five best films of 2007. By which I don't mean my best films of 2007, but the best films of 2007. You don't agree? Then you are wrong. It's that simple.
So, in reverse order:-

5). 30 Days of Night
One of the best things about this movie (aside from Josh Hartnett beef-caking his way across the silver screen) is the premise. You know those towns way way up north where the sun sets for weeks at a time? Where the only fun thing to do from November to February is watch DVDs and play hunt the thimble? Well what if a whole bunch of Vampires turned up and chowed down on all the inbred mouth breathing hicks that lived there? Wouldn't that be cool?

Well actually it was pretty cool. The effects were 'effective'. They were understated but still strong. The script was similarly understated and the whole thing really came together. It also has Melissa George in it, who used to be in home and away playing Angel (and more recently was in Mulholland Drive and The Amityville remake). She is frankly fabulous in this, as is the ending, which is a whole lot braver than most Hollywood horror schlock that comes out nowadays. I would totally recommend this, even if you don't like horror movies. Aside from the odd evisceration or too it isn't that gory. The only downside is that because it's so cold in this little northern town Mr Hartnett never actually gets his shirt off. Still we can always wait for the DVD extras.

4). 300
OK, so I'm not deliberately picking films that start with '30'. 300 is a movie about the battle at Thermopylae, if Thermopylae had been transported to middle earth. This was possibly the gayest film I saw in 2007. 300 hunks in leather trunks with waxed chests and 6 packs to make Arnie jealous, stand off against a 7 foot tall disco-diva in a gold thong. They couldn't have made this any gayer without having the soundtrack done by the village people featuring Boy George and Holly Johnson and inter cutting it with scenes from Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Sweet Charity.
Still, aside from all of the rampant faggotry this movie was excellent. It was really all about the visuals. Every single scene was designed to with an inch of it's life and the story (300 men fight army of monsters) was kept to a minimum.The fight choreography was excellent. Oh and did I mention the hunks in leather pants? It has hunks in leather pants in it you know.

3). Children of Men
Now technically this film came out in 2006, but I didn't see it until this year. The premise is that everybody is infertile and the planet is dying. Clive Owen gets involved in a plot to protect the worlds only known fertile woman from a violent and corrupt government. The amount of realism in this is incredible. The way this film shows what would happen if the refugee crisis is left to spiral out of control should be a stern warning to anybody who is anti immigration. Clive Owen plays himself, as usual, but luckily this is one of those films where it's just fine for Clive Owen to play himself. However, what makes this film really stand out is the cinematography. There are massive one-shot scenes in this film One, involving a car-chase that begins as the sun rises, starting at dawn and ending at full daylight is possibly the third most impressive thing I've seen on screen (see also Josh 'Beefcake' Hartnett and men in leather pants). Julie Ann More also stars in a very impressive cameo role, whose only failing is the lack of a chance for her to do her widemouthed-frog crying (see also Magnolia, The forgotten, Hannibal and every other Julie Ann More film). Michael Caine is also more than passable as an ex-hippy Cannabis grower and Ma Larkin from Darling Buds of May makes an appearance too (although it's more than a little disturbing seeing her get her face smashed in with a rifle-but).

2). Little Miss Sunshine
Occasionally I go out to see a film with the man and it's something that he wants to see but I'm not really all that fussed about. He does the same for me and horror films, and I figure that if he's willing to come with me to see a 20-something blond American get her face chewed off by zombies the least I can do is go with him to an arts cinema and watch some badly-lit east-European peasants cry because communism isn't working and the potato harvest has failed, or something). Anyway we went to see this at the arts picture house and frankly it's one of the best films I've seen in ages. (And frankly, how many times have I said 'frankly' in this post?). This film is all about the writing. The plot is perfect, the timing is wonderful and it's more cynical than a cynical thing that got out of the cynical side of the bed on national cynicism awareness day. It blows open the whole girly U.S. pageant thing with the best finale of any film ever, and features a puffy uncle, a mute nihilist son,and a sex crazed Grandpa. It also features Toni Collete, who in my books can do no wrong (although Connie and Carla came close).

1). 28 Weeks Later
I know this is the third film out of my top five that begins with a number, but don't let that give you the impression that this is some sort of theme. However, I am all about the zombie apocalypses (apocalypses? apocalypsi?). And this is one of the better zombie movies. I know zombie purists (yes, such people do exist) don't see the infected from the 28.. series as being actual zombies, but they're more or less the same thing. It set 4 months after the first film and the U.S is trying to recolonise a devastated Britain. Sadly they want to recolonise with Robert Carlisle and his strangely Beautiful offspring. (Seriously, how can a man that minging have kids that aren't mistaken for shaved chimps?). One outbreak later and we're back to where it all began, but now with more guns. That's right, they basically remade 28 days later but with hellfire missiles and helicopter decapitations. Sadly this is definitely one for the horror fans, but totally worth seeing. Enjoy!

MY NEW FAVOURITE QUOTE

If we did the work we're being paid for instead of just reading random nonsense the second our employers look away, then what use would Alt+Tab be?

It's from Mil Millington of www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com

SOMETHING THIS LOVELY JUST HAS TO BE GOOD FOR YOU

My new favourite song ever. Which is a bit sad really given that I'm a 30 year old male I.T. consultant

I SEE MANY DROPPED STITCHES IN YOUR FUTURE

I was having a look at a fabulous blog called skip's acorn treasury when I came accross a post about the knitting tarot which in itself is the kind of bizarre crap one could only ever hope to find on the interwebs.
On top of all this the blurb at the top of the knitting tarot site is pure gold;

The book is too gorgeous for words. Even if it were a blank book, it would be too gorgeous for words. And the deck! It's just plain fabulous. I love the size and feel of the cards, especially the weight. They're substantial, and they carry a soothing calm about them. I think what I'm trying to say is they're real, not just in the physical sense because that's obviously true, but in the emotional sense. They're not a toy, they're a tool, and yet they're very approachable. Thank you.

Obviously it goes without saying that I want a set (although not that much).